Fish Hooks

When I was little, my daddy taught me about fish hooks. Opening his tackle box and lifting out a tiny golden hook he said, “You have to be very careful. The end is barbed, see? If that gets stuck in your skin and you try to pull it out, you’ll make a bloody mess.” He told me about the time he had one stuck in his thumb and had to cut the line and push the hook all the way through so that the barb didn’t catch.

I think storytellers aren’t so different from fisherman. They cast their lines out, trying to catch our hearts. Sometimes they just graze them or miss altogether, and we walk away, already forgetting their tales. Other times they hit their mark, embedding their sharp words in our tender, bleeding hearts. You can tell a lot about a storyteller by the way they remove their barbs – pushing the tale through us in a clean wound or ripping it away, leaving us raw and bloody.

Very rarely, when the story teller is skilled and we’ve left our hearts wide open, the hook lands so deep and so true that it remains stuck within our hearts. And every time we feel that ache of its barbs, we remember the tale that lives forever buried within our very being.

Wattpad and a New Poem

I mentioned briefly last post that I have been very busy working on my writing. For the most part, I've been dedicating 2-3 hours a day to novel-writing, but I've snuck in a bit of other stuff on the side. I've signed up on Wattpad and hopefully you'll start seeing some releases there soon. My previously posted creative content may be coming down while I do some thorough editing, but I will be re-releasing it on the blog and on Wattpad. And yes, new content as well.

If you don't know what Wattpad is, it's basically a digital platform for people to post their writing and for interested readers to check out a huge variety of novels, short stories, fan fiction and poetry for free! There's some really amazing stuff on there and, when I finish and edit it, I hope to serialize my novel there. That's a little ways off yet though, so for now, here's the poem that inspired the name of the blog. Hope you enjoy!

Everyday Dragons

 6:30 am

The bedclothes pin me to the mattress

Comforting

Crushing

They conspire with my anxieties to hold me back

The decision to begin is an overwhelming one

But life awaits beyond this dark den

7:24 am

I am trapped by my own reflection

Enthralled

Imprisoned

But nowhere as noble as Narcissus

For I still seek my love for myself

In between blemishes and asymmetries

9:15 am

The mass of the city finally lurks before me

Imposing

Dangerous

Its silhouette devours the skyline

Fear and awe mingle as I stand in its shadow

And breathe in its stinking breath

11:25 am

My fear of time motivates me

Wasting it

Spending it

I weigh every action by the time it takes

And how I could better spend each moment

Every decision is found wanting

2:56 pm

Each injustice I witness scathes me

Inequality

Apathy

The battles that I win and the ones I lose

The wars I'm too afraid to wage

On ears that are voluntarily deaf

4:37 pm

My mind and body are pushed to the limits

Exhausted

Defeated

Pain mingles with relief and hope

I imagine heroes stronger than me

And it is their will that conveys me home

7:00 pm

At the end of the day I wrap myself in fiction

Wonder

Escape

The fantastic and the strange envelop me

I see myself reflected in ways no mirror could ever show

There is majesty and triumph even in the face of the beast

10:36 pm

I sleep well knowing these everyday dragons

Haven't conquered me yet.

Update - Everyday Dragons

Alright, so a brief update on the blog and what to expect over the next little while.

A while ago I changed the title from Idlewild to Everyday Dragons, so what's up with that? Basically, Idlewild was something I loved from Anne of Green Gables, but it wasn't mine. I wanted something original that better reflected the kind of content I was posting. So what kind of content was I posting? What was the overall theme I seemed to go back to time and again?

I tend to write primarily about fiction, whether through the medium of books, movies, television, games, etc. I also talk about opinions, personal struggles, social justice - often informed by popular culture or geek culture. It's a philosophy of mine that the stories we consume are incredibly important to our identities. They change our perspectives and expose us to new ideas, places and characters. They provide escape from our daily struggles while often lending us strength or the proper mindset to overcome them. Stories can reflect the social norms, while also reinforcing them or challenging them.

Everyday Dragons is a poem I wrote about these things (maybe it'll make it's way onto the site one day when I'm completely happy with it). The title itself acknowledges the fact that we all have challenges we face daily. Obvious ones like conflict or oppression, and more personal struggles like depression or self-doubt. It also seeks to legitimize those challenges. Sometimes we see our struggles as insignificant, perceive ourselves as weak for being unable to overcome them, but every challenge we face - big and small, systemic or personal - has to be overcome by us. They are our personal dragons - every day we defeat them, tame them, learn to live with them, or sometimes just survive them. Again, the stories that we surround ourselves with can help approach these issues with strength and courage, or at least recognize that we have, in fact, been strong and courageous all along.

As for the blog's structure moving forward: right now I've decided to move away from a consistent schedule for posts. I've been very strict about writing every evening and am currently working on a lengthy project. So I will certainly try to update as much as possible, but this may mean no posts for a few weeks, a post a week or a post a day for a short time. I'd rather write and post when I feel passionate and have the time, then steal time away from my other projects or force myself to write a post when I don't really want to. 

Other than that, you may notice that there's now a "What I'm Reading" and "What I'm Watching" section on the right hand side of the blog in case any one is curious or wants to chat about books, shows, etc. They may also come up in posts. Expect the watching list to shrink significantly or at least have more titles put on hold since I've been spending so much time writing and am finding little time for anything else. (Except Wagnaria!! which I somehow managed to watch over two seasons of in a little over two weeks.)

If anything changes or I have any news, I'll make sure it makes it up as soon as possible this time! Hope everyone is having a happy summer! 

Late to the Game

I'm sitting around a table with four or five other people. I'm maybe 15 or 16 years old. Some of these people I have been friends with for years, though I haven't seen them much since I moved across town. They're incredibly friendly, incredibly welcoming, and yet I feel tense. We're sitting around a table, playing a game of Dungeons and Dragons. I want to enjoy myself, but I'm too intimidated. Everyone else here has been playing for a long time. I'm afraid that I look stupid because I have no idea what I'm doing. I feel overwhelmed by the details and rules. I'm worried that every question I ask annoys them. I'm also worried what the rest of my social circle would think of me playing a table top role playing game. I play maybe one more campaign with them over the next couple of months and then we grow apart. 

Image source: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dungeons_%26_Dragons

It's a decade later and I want to get into D&D. I realize now what I was too nervous to see then - if I wanted to enjoy the game, I should have just been honest. I should have told them I was nervous. Told them I felt like an idiot for not knowing the rules. Maybe asked for more help. There were a lot of other things going on at the time (I was a teenager, no surprise) but I have no doubt that I would have been welcomed and would have picked up the flow of the game fairly quickly. And forget about what anyone else thought about what I decided to do with my free time. 

I've been meaning to write this post for a while now. I think our hobbies and interests are very important to us. Many of us define ourselves by them; we spend our free time and money - as little as that may be - enjoying and investing in them. We might even wear t-shirts or pins to show them off. We might throw parties or attend events to celebrate them. We cosplay and permanently tattoo our bodies.

Image source: http://fuckyeahharrypottertattoos.tumblr.com/page/7

Some of our hobbies and interests we are practically born with. I grew up in a home with Lord of the Rings and Sword of Shannara on the bookshelf and movie nights featuring Legend, Willow, and Star Wars. Science fiction and fantasy, literature and film... these were things I came to love very early in my life and it was easy to immerse myself in them because they were loved and promoted at home.

Not all of our interests come about this way. For instance, my love for anime was something I discovered on my own. I watched Sailor Moon, Digimon and Cardcaptor on YTV and I knew I wanted to look into this genre further. I knew I wanted more. My parents didn't really get it though and none of my friends growing up showed more than a passing interest. I didn't really start exploring a variety of movies and shows until first year university. The fact is, it can be a real challenge to start a new hobby.

I mean, what don't you get about this Mom and Dad? Also, I'm pretty sure Matt was my first love.
Image source: http://kidfromthe6ix.com/2014/08/08/my-top-15-ytv-shows-growing-up/

The challenge arises from a variety of factors - how niche or stigmatized that hobby is, whether anyone around you has that hobby, the cost involved, the amount of information required to start, whether it is a solo or group activity, etc.

A lot of my interests, and a lot of so-called "geek" hobbies, are fairly niche. Many also have some sort of prejudice or stigma attached (e.g. anime is for kids, video games are for teen boys, LARPing is for the socially-inept). This alone is a huge barrier to overcome, especially for someone whose immediate social circle may not be interested. But it is so worth it to find something you enjoy doing.

If you look back over my blog posts, you'll realize that many are dedicated to recommendations. I even did a guide for those who wanted to start getting into anime. The reason I do these posts is because I've been there. Anime, video games, comics... these are all things I embraced as I got older, and they are an incredibly important part of my life now. Anime was mostly self-driven exploration but the others required a lot of help.

My dad played a lot of video games when I was a kid, but by the time I was old enough to really start playing them on my own, we only had one outdated system. I played a bit at my friends' houses, but I missed out on a lot of titles until I grew up and married a man with a passion for gaming. That interest was always there, but the accessibility wasn't. I still face criticism when people find out I haven't played all of the classics (I missed out on most of the Zeldas, Final Fantasies, etc, etc), but I don't let that stop me. Your interests are what are important, irrelevant of whether they fit inside of some box labelled "gamer". If you're having fun, then who cares. If you feel like going back and playing the titles you've missed over the years, go for it! If they don't interest you, forget about them. As long as you can afford (or find if you're into retro games) a system and some titles, gaming isn't too hard to get into. Ignore the haters and just check out reviews and titles on the internet. Or ask store clerks and friends for recommendations. You'll eventually find people with tastes similar to yours and sites that tend to parallel your own opinions.

It was super exciting to watch... I swear. These graphics, top of the line.
Image source: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ec9AD_KxtyM

Comics are tougher, in my opinion. As a kid I loved all the comic book shows and movies - Batman, Superman, X-men, Spiderman, and so on - but no one in my family read comics. None of my friends read comics either as far as I know (or no one I felt comfortable asking). I'm pretty sure my town had only one comic book store and it wasn't exactly newbie friendly. I was a kid with no idea where to start, limited internet access, and no one to turn to. I finally got up the nerve to buy the Sandman series, and as an adult I met a friend who was more than happy to suggest titles and lend me his copies.

And that's just the relationships... 
Image source: http://www.businessinsider.com/marvel-relationships-chart-2015-2

The difficulty with comics is simply that some of the universes are freaking massive. Marvel in particular, but a lot of the DC stuff is really daunting too. Luckily there's some amazing one-offs and short series that are great to start with. I just ignore the individual issues and wait for the trade paperback versions to be released (volumes that collect a chunk of individual issues). Of course, if you really want to start getting into the big DC and Marvel titles like Batman or the Avengers, the internet is a wonderful resource. You can find recommendation reading lists or background summaries if you just want to catch up. There are also convenient anthologies put together for fans of certain characters. And honestly, just ask the guy or girl at the counter. They may not know everything, but they are there because they love comics.

If you do happen to be someone who has wanted to get into comics for a while... this is actually a good time. DC just rebooted their titles with the New 52 a few years ago and Marvel is currently restructuring their whole universe with the Secret Wars. Things are starting fairly fresh and you have a lot less background to research (unless of course you want to, then by all means).

The point I'm trying to make is that it's never too late to start a new hobby. My husband and I just started getting into board games after years of talking about it. We just pick up whatever looks interesting or check out the reviews on BoardGameGeek. As I mentioned, we also want to get into D&D - a fairly large endeavor considering we don't know anyone in the area who plays and only one of us has any experience playing. We refuse to let that stop us, even if that means getting to know some new people in town or modifying the game to play on our own.

If there's something you've been yearning to try, don't wait for years like I did. Do some research. Ask around. Check out community organizations or the local library (you'd be surprised by some of the how-to's libraries host). The fact is that most people LOVE to talk about their interests (I mean, that's pretty much what I'm doing right now), so it never hurts to ask. If they criticize you, walk away. If they were really passionate about it they'd be happy that another person was interested too. And, of course, the flip side is that we need to be tolerant of other people's interests when they're different and make them feel welcome when they're similar.

Whether you're curious about role playing, Disc World, manga, Doctor Who, coding, comics... whatever... look into it. And I know the focus here is on geek culture, but the same goes for things like art, crafts and sports. You're not too late to join in.

If you've tried something new recently feel free to share in the comments. And if any of the people from my original D&D experience are reading... thanks for being so welcoming and patient. It may not have been the right time, but that positive experience is part of the reason I want to try again. 

The Purple Fig and other much needed updates

Just a quick post today with some much needed updates.

First and foremost... my short story Good Girl was picked up by the Purple Fig for their Summer Fiction Series! The editor gave me an awesome introduction - you can read it and the story here:

Good Girl - Yuri's Story at the Purple Fig

That particular piece of news should have been up almost two weeks ago and I know it's been a long time since I've checked in. So what am I up to right now?

Mostly I've been focusing on creative input rather than output. What I mean is that, over the past several months, I haven't had much time to take in many stories. Books, movies, games... what with a very active toddler and little sleep, I just didn't have the time or energy. Finally over the past month or two I've been able to scavenge an hour or two to myself every day. And oh boy have I been making up for lost time.

I think I've read at least a dozen books, watched a couple movies, even been watching my husband play the Witcher 3... it's been great. The best news is that I finally feel like I'm prepared to write again. I feel inspired. Passionate. Sometimes it just helps to fall in love with story-telling all over again. I'm filled to absolute bursting with wonderful stories that I've been reading and watching. I'm sure you'll hear more about that soon.

Anyway, due to some changes around the apartment and some serious ongoing tidying, I've been left without a work space or computer for quite some time. That ends tonight. From here I just need to work on tidying up my virtual space to keep track of my work and progress, and to create some sort of schedule I can stick to with some confidence. 

You have no idea how exciting that last one is to me. There has been no consistency in this household for almost two years now (my daughter vehemently fights schedules and apparently loathes predictability). Being able to anticipate something with any degree of certainty is pure bliss. I can start properly "working", not to mention learning (my HTML is getting very rusty and wasn't great in the first place), and... are you ready for this... I can even have DATE NIGHTS. Geeky anime-watching, book-reading, board-game-playing DATE NIGHTS. With like... candles... and Japanese food... and maybe even close physical contact. I know, the romance here is clearly mind-blowing.

Anyway, I will be back... SOON. With real content and discussion. I mean let's be honest... Mad Max: Fury Road came out... like I was really going to let that one pass by without at least a mention. The blog is also being updated (painfully slowly, I know). The title has changed, and I intend to discuss that in greater detail soon too. 

For now, thank you to my readers and to the people who have supported me as well as the Purple Fig for choosing my story. Now that I've had my first work published I have no intention of stopping there.

The Devil Himself...

So... FOX released their trailer for the new Lucifer television show based on Mike Carey's comic book series. You can watch the trailer here:

The character (or this particular adaptation of him) originated from Neil Gaiman's Sandman series where he abandons his position as ruler of Hell and takes up residence in Los Angeles. FOX has made the controversial move of making this series a paranormal crime thriller, not unlike Sleepy Hollow, by teaming up Lucifer Morningstar with the LAPD. 

A lot of people are calling it a contradiction, asking why the Prince of Darkness would want to stop criminals. To be fair, Carey's Lucifer is obsessed with free will and purposefully acts in ways that contradict the tired stereotypes mankind has created for him. Refusing to lie. Saving the world. Of course, none of this is done out of compassion, kindness or emotion. His actions are taken for himself, on principle. 

The beginning of the trailer is somewhat promising. His speech is very similar to one he gives in the Sandman series - pointing out human's obsession with using the devil as a scapegoat. Explaining that we can never sell our souls, but through our own actions we can walk freely into Hell.

And then it looks like the writers quit trying.

Violently killing a woman to create motivation for a male character is honestly one of the most overly used and lazy tropes in film and television (not to mention comics, video games and books). It's called the Woman in the Refrigerator trope, referencing a Green Lantern comic in which Kyle Rayner comes home to find his girlfriend killed and stuffed into a refrigerator. Examples (often more than one) can be found in the Punisher, Supernatural, Dexter, Game of Thrones, Max Payne, Breaking Bad etc. etc. etc. 

I hate that I have to even say this, but this doesn't mean I do not enjoy these movies/shows or that you shouldn't either... or even that this plot point shouldn't ever be used... the problem is that it is CONSTANTLY used. The frequency of its use shows both that there is clearly something going on here with women's representation and also that there is a lack of originality on the writer's behalf.

The reason this particular instance irks me so much is twofold. First of all, it doesn't suit the character. This seems to be the event that sparks his involvement with the LAPD and his reaction to her death appears awfully personal and emotional. Oddly so for such a cold character.

Secondly, he's fucking Lucifer Morningstar. The devil himself! If you really can't think of a motivation other than "let's kill the girl he wants to bone" then you should really quit the whole writing thing now. Just go home. And guys, you should be offended by this. Apparently your entire gender is so boring that the only thing that spurs you to do anything story-worthy is the bloody slaughter of the people you love.

Anyway, give me your thoughts in the comments. Hopefully I'm wrong and what's not said in the trailer completely changes the direction this show is going. We'll just have to wait and see.

Depression and Social Media in a Culture of "Positivity"

This isn't really what I was planning for my return to the blog. I was planning to do a piece on Children's Book Week. But then I read this article on ESPN about the image we portray on social media vs reality, and I knew I needed to talk about it. For myself. For the people who don't get it. In some attempt, however small, to use social media to portray the truth. To try to encourage others to do the same. To stop discouraging others from hiding their feelings.

For those who didn't read the article, it is about a promising young athlete at Penn State who committed suicide. Like many stories we hear, no one expected it. Her social media accounts showed a girl who was successful and happy. This is the focus of the article. The reality this young woman was living, and the one she was depicting were not the same. This same girl, however, could not see that this is true of everyone. That the happiness and success she saw in her peers' pictures were not the complete truth of their lives. She wasn't the only one struggling. This is not a fault of hers - she was clearly suffering from depression, recent or otherwise - and I think it's something that we need to talk about as a society participating in and consuming social media on a large scale.

I want to point out that I don't think this the fault of social media. It is a device. Any harm that comes from it stems from those using it. That's us. Our ideas about self-expression. Our misconceptions about mental health. Our obsession with "positivity".

And in order to talk about this fully, to really make a point, I am going to use my own personal experiences to break this down.

I'm not sure many people know this, but growing up... I hated myself. I felt isolated. I felt depressed. I felt inadequate. I was told and believed I would never find anyone to love me. My peers always talked about how happy I was. How I must have the perfect life at home because I had good grades. That I must have it easy. When they said something "jokingly" mean to me, they followed it up with: "Be nice, she probably goes home and cries herself to sleep." 

I laughed, but it was often true. How could I tell them that? How could I complain when I had it so "good"?

As I got older, the feelings intensified. I thought about suicide. I hurt myself. I told no one. 

When I was in high school, "emo" culture was at its height. I probably heard jokes about suicide and cutting on a daily basis. I heard friends talk about how people who self-harm are just looking for attention. How they needed to just grow up. So I kept my mouth shut and hated myself for being weak. For being an attention-seeking whiner. The couple of times I mentioned it I was met with looks of disgust and told I better "Get happy" or "That's messed up, just stop." 

Now the people who are reading this... my friends and family... how many of you are upset by this? How many of you are embarrassed for me? How many of you are horrified that I would share something so personal? How many of you are thinking that I need to just stop complaining, grow up and move on? 

THAT is exactly the problem.

Fortunately for me, over the past few years I've been able to acknowledge my problem. To accept it. To stop blaming myself for it. I've learned to love myself. I'm not saying things are perfect. Some days are a struggle. But the fact is that I did not choose to be unhappy. While learning how to think positively can help, "positivity" is not always a choice and doesn't come naturally to everyone. And making the choice to seek help can feel impossible (though I encourage anyone who feels this way to please talk to someone and seek professional help if you can, I'll post links below.)

This brings me to social media. Since having Emily, I spend a lot of time alone with her. Some days are intensely frustrating and I feel the need to vent. To just say... Today has been a rough day. To feel like some human being somewhere knows what I'm dealing with. When it's 3 am and I haven't slept and no one else is awake... I often resort to Facebook. The moment I hit post, I feel a little less tense. Until the next day, when I am skimming the news feed and see countless posts about how people need to shut up and stop complaining. Challenges to not complain for a month. Comments about how people are so narcissistic for thinking anyone cares about their life. Then I start to regret my post. 

But you know what? I'm calling bullshit. What are these posts telling people? They're saying: "I don't care how you feel. So don't tell me." They're saying: "Feeling negative is wrong and you should just stop." They're saying: "If you think anyone cares about your life, you're wrong."

Now look me in the face and tell me you don't understand why these people didn't reach out. Why their social media pages didn't reflect their true feelings. I'm not trying to cast blame on anyone, I'm simply pointing out a contradiction in our societal views of self-expression.

And what is social media for if not to express ourselves? To connect with other human beings? If you really only want to hear the positive things, see the superficial images people portray, the fiction of people's lives... then what's the point? What kind of connection is that? How can you complain about models being photoshopped in magazines but expect everyone else to edit their emotions, their stories, their self expression?

The next time you read someone's post and you think, "What a whiner." or "That person is always complaining." or "What an attention seeker." do me a favour. Really think about what that means. Why has this person resorted to Facebook to express themselves? Even if they are cutting themselves for attention, why do they feel so desperate for someone to notice their pain? Why do they always seem so negative? Maybe this person needs help. Instead of thinking about how having to skim past that little post on your feed is such an inconvenience, maybe take two seconds to ask if everything is okay. They'll feel better knowing someone cares about them and you'll probably feel good knowing you reached out.

Imagine for just a moment that happiness doesn't come easily to some. Just like art, music or math aren't natural for everyone. That even asking for help can seem an insurmountable task. Think about how your exasperated post about how people cause their own negativity might make them feel. 

And don't forget to ask yourself why what they've posted upsets you so much. Why another person expressing their emotions, telling their stories, makes you feel uncomfortable. Maybe there's some truth you need to accept too. Maybe you're frustrated with your own inability to express yourself. With the same limitations you want to place on others. Maybe it's genuinely hard for you to understand and you need a new perspective.

For those who feel alone, who are having a bad day, or struggling with depression... you are absolutely not alone and not at fault. I know that happiness is not a switch. Neither is anxiety. You don't just "stop" having a panic attack or hurting yourself or having suicidal thoughts. You shouldn't feel guilty for having a bad day. You can eventually learn how to focus on the positive, to turn worries into hopes, but you might have to ask for help first. And that's okay. Sure, we are responsible for our own actions, but that doesn't mean those actions are all easy for everyone. Take it one step at a time, even if that means telling the world what a shitty day you had today. But we can all help by accepting that people's lives are made up of the good and the bad. By refusing to give into the pressure to only show the good. 

I'm not saying everyone needs to share everything about their lives, not everyone would feel comfortable sharing what I did. What I am saying is that we shouldn't make the people who choose to feel ashamed for doing so.

If you need help, here are some great resources to get started. These people are there to listen, to help, and they want you to call if you need to.

Canada:

http://www.mentalhealthhelpline.ca/
http://depressionhurts.ca/en/default.aspx
http://toronto.cmha.ca/mental-health/find-help/are-you-in-crisis/

International:

http://togetherweare-strong.tumblr.com/helpline

Fairy Tail Fantasia Cake

It's not every day when you get to combine a bunch of your interests into one project. Yesterday was one of those days. 

My husband, Alex, is a huge fan of the anime Fairy Tail and he loves strawberry shortcake. We had a birthday lunch for him this weekend and I had a great idea for the cake:

For those who don't follow the anime, one of the characters, Erza, purchases this cake as a gift for a new member (and a few for herself if I remember correctly...)

So I set out to learn how to make this cake (or something relatively similar).

First, I searched for a recipe to make Japanese strawberry shortcake. I went with this recipe from La Fuji Mama but doubled the whole thing (I only had large pans and therefore the cake was too thin to cut in half... so I made a second and used each as the layer for a MASSIVE cake).

Next I had to figure out how to do the Fairy Tail symbol on top. I've seen replicas of this cake where it was piped directly onto the whipped cream frosting, but to me, it looks more like a white chocolate placard placed on top of the cake. So that's what I did.

I drew the symbol on a piece of paper, then placed wax paper over top and traced it with a marker. I flipped the wax paper over (marker side down, so that the symbol was backwards) and used a paintbrush to paint melted dark chocolate inside the lines. 

After it cooled completely, I melted some white chocolate and let it cool a bit. I placed a 4 inch round cookie cutter (which I greased with shortening) around the symbol and poured the white chocolate gently over it. I leveled it out with a knife and let it cool. 

Because I am impatient, I tried to lift the cutter WAY too early and smudged my symbol. As you can see. 

I corrected this as best I could with a paint brush and some white and dark chocolate, which you'll see in the finished pictures. I then used a tube of store bought pink frosting to add Happy the cat to the placard as best I could (I'm no artist).

From here, I put the cake together, using whole strawberries in the middle and frosting only the top and middle. I used a large star frosting tip to do a border and some decorations on the top and an ordinary round tip to pipe some whipped cream around the chocolate placard. My strawberries were massive, and so I didn't fit too many on top. Here is the finished product. Please forgive my low quality pictures and poor photography skills... I am not a food blogger and do not have a good camera at this point. (Also... yes... I need to change my tablecloth... I am aware it is no longer Christmas :P).

Anyway, there it is. In future I would cut off the edges of the cake to reveal the neater, light coloured inside of the sponge cake... but not half bad for my first attempt I think. 

La Fuji Mama's recipe tasted great and it went over well with the family... as you can see:

This was an incredibly fun project and I'd love to do more geeky baking/cooking in the future. If anyone has any suggestions or would like me to find a way to replicate (or make an original recipe in tribute of) a show, movie, book etc... let me know. Cooking or baking... as long as I know the content or can easily look into it... I'll probably be interested. 

So Happy Birthday Alex <3 and to everyone affected by last night's snowstorm... stay safe and warm!

Anime: A Beginner's Guide

As I mentioned last week, there are going to be some ongoing changes to this blog. One thing that you will notice in 2015 is a definitive shift in focus from general discussion and literature to geek culture. Not that much of a change really since I often focused on Sci Fi/ Fantasy and anime anyway. So you can expect a lot more anime, video games, comics, science/tech, and science fiction/fantasy posts in the future. Not that it means you'll see less depth of content or rigorous discussion about relevant issues, but it will be brought about via the context of said topics.

Lately, I've been on an anime-watching binge with the start of the winter season this January. This is a fairly strong season, in my opinion, but I'll follow up with that in the future. First, I want to sort of introduce the concept of anime and help those who are interested navigate the multitude of titles to find a comfortable starting point. I know from personal experience that it can be a challenge to get into a new hobby or to explore a new medium. Especially since anime is looked down upon and dismissed by many, you might feel uncomfortable or unsure whether it's worth looking into. Anime ranges from heartwarming children's tales to incredibly adult stories filled with bizarre characters and abstract concepts. It can be beautiful, it can be crass, it can be subtle, it can be blatantly sexual. Depending on your interests, this can be very overwhelming.

For those who are nervous about starting something new, those who are curious but intimidated or embarrassed and really don't know where to start... hopefully this post can help guide you. And if you're already a fan, maybe there are even some new titles here that you haven't checked out yet. Or maybe you'd like to add your own titles in the comments. Feedback is always welcomed.

So, what is anime anyway? In Japan, the term anime refers to any animated film or television show. In the West, however, we generally consider animation created in Japan to be anime. There is often a distinct style associated with Japanese animation both in the artwork (characters with large eyes, vibrant hair colours and exaggerated emotional expression) and plot (frequently supernatural, strong character development, complicated and unexpected storylines). People debate this further - whether Studio Ghibli films are truly anime, for example - but for the purpose of this post, we will consider any animation originating from Japan to be anime. I will be talking about Western animation a little, but I will specifically point out which titles this refers to. Check out Idea Channel if you want a closer look at the Japanese vs Western anime debate.

To start, we come to that age old question... Dubs or subs? This refers to whether you choose to watch anime that has been dubbed over by English voice actors or anime with the original Japanese dialogue and English subtitles. I always recommend subtitles simply because the English dubs frequently change the dialogue to match the mouths of the characters as they speak. This is limiting and I can tell you from watching both versions, a lot is lost in translation. Now, of course, if you hate subtitles and it makes the difference between enjoying the show or not... then just go for the dubbed version. It's really personal preference that matters overall.

So where to start? Personally I recommend starting with films instead of shows. You only have to sit through a couple of hours rather than investing in a show that is 13+ episodes long. Plus, there are plenty of easy to find titles. I'd also recommend starting out with milder shows, more in keeping with stories you might be familiar with from Western film and television. Unless you're already really into weird and abstract film, starting out with an Akira or an Evangelion might be a bit jarring... 

I'd say it's not as weird as it looks, but it totally is...

 So here's what I suggest:

Studio Ghibli films - Hayao Miyazaki films in particular - come highly recommended and are distributed in the West by Disney, so they are very easy to find. I'd recommend starting with some of his simpler stories (often based on Western works) - Kiki's Delivery Service, The Secret World of Arrietty, or even Howl's Moving Castle - and working towards the more fantastical Japanese tales found in Spirited Away and Princess Mononoke. All of these titles, Mononoke excepted, are family friendly and often have a socially and environmentally-conscious narrative.

Did I also mention that Miyazaki's films are stunningly beautiful?

From here I'd move onto Mamoru Hosoda's films. These are mostly stories about family and friendship, but are geared towards a slightly more mature audience than Miyazaki's. Again, they are all fairly easy to find at your local movie stores and on streaming services. Look for the titles: The Girl Who Leapt Through Time, Summer Wars and Wolf Children. Each has a slightly supernatural element that is presented subtly and in such a way that it enhances the emotional, human elements of his stories.

Warning: keep the kleenex handy for this one (that goes double for moms and triple for new moms)

If you're an adult who already enjoys abstract and challenging plot lines, you may also be interested in Satoshi Kon's films. Fans of films like Inception will be interested in the movie Paprika, about a woman who must navigate people's dreams to investigate the theft of potentially dangerous dream-interaction technology. If you enjoyed Black Swan, you may want to pick up Perfect Blue. Darren Aronofsky, director of Black Swan, is himself a fan of Kon and you will notice plenty of parallels between the two stories (despite owning the rights to the film, he denies it as an inspiration). Kon is a master of blurring the lines between dream and reality, and his plots are simultaneously twisted and incredibly intelligent.

I could seriously discuss Perfect Blue for hours. In fact, I'm pretty sure I have.

If you're looking to invest more time and want to try out a couple of shows, you can always try some Western animation first. The Nickolodeon shows Avatar: The Last Airbender and The Legend of Korra are Western shows that are often noted as having many similarities to Japanese anime. The stories, though geared towards a young audience, are still very deep and engaging for an older audience.

If you're trying to prepare yourself for some of the more bizarre elements of anime, you may be interested in checking out another Western animated show, Over the Garden Wall. I really don't want to tell you much about this one because its appeal is in its mystery. I will simply say it is a modern Alice in Wonderland story that pays homage to various eras and genres of animation. It's also only 10 episodes long so it doesn't require a massive commitment.

There is likely an upcoming post dedicated to this show. So watch it now. NOW.

From this point on, it really depends what you're interested in. Here are some Japanese titles based on various genre interests. I'm recommending each of these based on the reasonable length of the show, the lack of fan service (aka unnecessary nudity/sexual content) and a somewhat straightforward plot.

If you like science fiction, you've probably already heard of Cowboy Bebop. Reminiscent of Joss Whedon's Firefly, Bebop follows an unlikely crew of bounty hunters as they take new jobs and come to terms with their pasts.

 

Many people I know started with the incredibly popular Death Note, a great selection if you're interested in supernatural thrillers and crime drama. Light Yagami, a high school student, gains possession of a notebook which allows him to kill anyone as long as he knows their name and face. What begins as a quest to rid the world of evil, quickly turns into a battle between some of the brightest minds the world has ever encountered. 

If you're a fan of horror - particular Japanese horror stories like the Grudge and the Ring - Another is a gory, mysterious and creepy-as-hell show which I highly recommend. It centres on a cursed classroom and a couple of students who break the taboo protecting the class from a terrifying and deadly force.

Attack on Titan is another great title that has already won over many non-anime fans. It takes place in a world where humanity lives behind massive stone walls to protect themselves from the titans - massive humanoid monsters that seem to exist solely to kill humans. But when the wall is breached, humanity is thrown into turmoil and questions begin to arise about the nature of the titans and whether there might be an intelligent goal behind their mindless violence. A word of warning - this is an ongoing series and only one season has yet been released (the next isn't slated until next year). 

Likely you've seen this image (or parodies) even if you've never seen the show.

Maybe you'd rather shy away from the supernatural and are just looking for a good drama/ slice of life show. If so, Usagi Drop, or Bunny Drop, is a beautiful story about a man who unexpectedly becomes the guardian of the young, illegitimate daughter of his father. I'm also a fan of Kuroko's Basketball, an ongoing series about a high school basketball team trying to improve enough to challenge a group of prodigies known as the Generation of Miracles.

As you gain confidence and your interest builds, you'll likely start finding some titles of your own. Just don't give up if you find a title or two that aren't what you're looking for. Like any medium, anime is filled with a variety of genres and various degrees of quality. Check out www.myanimelist.net for a list of top-rated anime, reviews, and recommendations. You can find my user profile here: http://myanimelist.net/profile/AmyMaehem. I've found it to be a great resource for finding new anime to check out. Plus, I'm always happy to recommend titles and I'm sure I'll be talking about some new shows in the near future! 

As always, thanks for reading and feel free to comment here or if you have me on Facebook!

Happy New Year (a few weeks late...)

Alright... it's 2015 and I'm back. A little later than I anticipated but here I am nonetheless. In keeping with the theme of New Year and change, my little one finally seems to be changing her night habits. I am up much less in the night with her which means more sleep for me (YAY!), but also less late night blogging sessions. I still have time to write, but I've spent the last couple of weeks taking time to relax and to really think about where I want to go from here.

The traditional New Year's practice is to create resolutions - goals for the year ahead. This year, I want to shift the focus slightly. Instead of contemplating my future and the person I want to become, I want to first figure out who I am now. I believe that goal setting is a very useful tool and that humans are constantly changing, but I also believe that we're often so preoccupied focusing on our "desired self," that we take for granted the person we are in the present. How do we set goals for ourselves when we don't really know what we want? What we enjoy? What makes us happy?

I think we often resort to setting goals we believe we should set: to lose weight, to meet more people, to finish those renovations. If we work towards these goals without really understanding why, without genuine attachment, it isn't so surprising when we fail. Or worse, when we succeed and are still left unfulfilled. If we take the time to get to know ourselves by delving deeper into our desires - "Why do I want to lose weight?" or "Why am I unmotivated to finish this project? What would I rather be doing? What makes me feel motivated?" or even "What makes me happy?" - we can set more meaningful goals and appreciate who we are, instead of always focusing on some unrealistic goal of who we want to be.

Personally, I tried to lose weight for years. I was insecure and hated my body, and I thought that if I lost weight I would begin to love myself. The truth is, my self-hatred had very little to do with my body and more to do with my self esteem and confidence. As I came to love myself and become more confident, regardless of my body, I was able to eat healthier and ended up losing weight as a result. It's hard to take care of someone or something you have negative feelings towards. When I finally took the time to meditate on myself and separate who I was from the "should be's," I felt much more fulfillment from my choices, accomplishments and even failures.

So that's what I've been focusing on over the holidays. Who am I right now? What do I want right now?

Of course, I don't have all the answers. There are some things that I've thought about a lot, and some that are very relevant to the future of this blog:

• I am madly in love with my husband and daughter. They make me incredibly happy, excited, challenged and comfortable. I love spending time with them. I have plenty of thoughts and opinions about being a mom, but I decided a long time ago that isn't what I want to write about (unless relevant to another topic I'm discussing). Blogging is a place where I get to explore the parts of me that sometimes get left behind during my busy days being Mama.

• I have a passion for food. I like to eat, sure, but it's more than that. I love to cook. I love to bake. I love to learn about food from around the world, to experiment in the kitchen, and to feed other people. I want to pursue this further, but whether this means simply spending more time in the kitchen, creating recipes, or even blogging about it... I'm not sure yet.

• I still love to read. I want to always be reading at least one book. Daily if possible. And out loud when I can. I enjoy rereading books a lot more than I realized.

• I am a dedicated anime fan. I have seen over a hundred movies and shows. There are plenty more that I want to watch. I intend to make time for an episode or two a day. I intend to be more open about my interests, even if people don't understand them. Again, I still have to decide if there is a way I can pursue this interest further.

• I don't have one passion or interest. I have many interests and I want to try lots of things. I want to talk about many topics. I want to engage in a variety of activities. I am someone who enjoys being busy, but I have to carefully balance my time if I want to enjoy everything. And I have to rest.

• Finally, the one that is most relevant to this blog: I still enjoy writing. I don't want to stop, but the reality is that I can't continue the way I would like in my current situation. So I have to limit myself. I have to choose which projects stay, and which go. I don't want to delve into projects only to leave them unfinished. I don't want to drag out a project and therefore hurt its quality.

So what does this mean for the future of Idlewild? Honestly, I'm not completely sure yet. The fact is that Idlewild started out as a platform for my writing and a way to encourage me to write regularly through posts and short stories. Though I fully intend to keep writing, I don't feel confident that I can produce work to send into publishers at this time. Like I said above, I want to dedicate myself fully to those endeavours - but my family needs me right now. I will still write, but I do not want to set unreasonable goals for myself that lead to frustration. I refuse to put myself in a situation that will create resentment towards my family or my writing.

Blogging is something I feel I can dedicate myself to since posts are generally quicker to write than fiction and they often jive with my other interests (books, television, anime etc). However, I am not certain that its current format - incredibly varied and broad topics/ posts - are appealing to anyone but me. Perhaps I will reign myself in and narrow my content. Then again, I need to remain true to myself as a person who has always been intrigued by a variety of subjects. Perhaps there is a middle ground.

Anyway, like I said, I don't have all the answers today. For now, I will continue posting on Sundays and will add creative content whenever I have the chance. Just don't be surprised if you notice some changes in the upcoming weeks. To everyone reading this, and to everyone who has read my past posts and even participated with me in the comments here and on Facebook, thank you. I hope everyone had a wonderful holiday and 2015 is going well so far! See you next week.