NEW SITE

All new blog posts and creative content can be found over at: https://amynotdorft.wordpress.com/

I will try to repost some of the most popular entries as we go along.

Thanks to everyone who followed me on Blogspot and I really hope you'll come check me out on Wordpress where you can find some new short fiction and the serialization of my urban fantasy novel - Secrets and Skin!

An Open Letter to Pokémon Go Haters

Full disclosure: I do not play Pokémon Go. I was more of Digimon fan as a kid and so the nostalgia isn't there for me. I've entertained the idea of playing it with my little monster, but my phone works like poop. 

So why do I care what people think about it? A lot of REALLY IMPORTANT reasons actually. For one, I'm a geek. I have been since I was little. I watch anime, play video games, read/watch/write sci-fi and fantasy, go to cons, etc. I know what it's like to be interested in things the majority of the world doesn't understand. I know what it's like to avoid talking about the things you love at work or when meeting new people because they might think you're weird or immature. That you're somehow wrong or lesser. Just because it's not my hobby doesn't mean it's not my responsibility to speak up.

Also, it seems to be my generation (and a bit younger) taking the heat here. The adults and young adults that you call immature and deride as "useless" and "having no life skills" -- traipsing around the park chasing cartoon creatures instead of getting a job -- are my friends. 

And here's my opinion: BULLSHIT. 

I have A LOT of friends and acquaintances in various social circles spanning across many walks of life that play Pokémon Go. Let me tell you something about them: they are hard-working, responsible adults. At least THREE of them are successful ENTREPRENEURS. Most of the rest are currently enrolled in, or have graduated from, POST-GRADUATE STUDIES. Many are married with homes of their own. And honestly, none of this should surprise you because:

POKÉMON GO IS A HOBBY

As long as a person isn't hurting anyone, why should we judge how people unwind and enjoy themselves?

(Quick note here: yes, there have been instances where people have been hurt, or have hurt others, while playing Pokémon Go. These incidents have had a lot of news coverage but are, in reality, a minority. People will play Go and drive just like they text and drive. It is not inherent to the population playing. As for swarms of Go players walking into the middle of the street, it is no different than the riots and property damage that can occur after sports games. It is dangerous, but it is rare and a result of a bunch of individuals getting caught up in a groupthink scenario. It's important to talk about how to limit these events and examine what caused them, but it should not be used to judge the population as a whole - something true of ANY community.)

These are adults and teenagers enjoying themselves in their free time. I'm not sure where this bizarre idea that people who play games do so INSTEAD OF having a job or responsibilities came from but it is absurd and needs to stop. Do you literally work 100% of the time? What do you do with your free time? Do you really believe it is more "legitimate" or "respectable" than what they do?

Actually... let's talk about that. The reality is that ANY hobby described from a limited and biased perspective can make you sound like an asshole. Here, watch:

Watching Sports

(-) Shouting while sitting on a couch (or uncomfortable folding chair) watching other people perform physical activities.

(+) Watching and encouraging community representatives participate in a competitive and skill-based activity.

Fishing

(-) Sitting for hours doing nothing and taking pleasure in driving a hook through a hungry animal's mouth.

(+) Venturing out doors to relax and get in touch with nature.

Watching Game of Thrones

(-) Watching people graphically murder and rape each other for an hour. With dragons.

(+) Engaging in a deeply political and emotional plot with a large cast of complex human characters. With dragons.

Writing

(-) Making up pretend stories and retreating from social activities for hours to find the right words to make them sound as "not cheesy" as possible.

(+) Exercising your mind and creating stories that can make people feel connected and break down complex ideas and social norms.

Social Drinking

(-) Putting potentially lethal substances into your body so that you don't feel bad when you say/do stupid things.

(+) Drinking tasty beverages to disperse personal insecurities which may otherwise prevent you from participating fully in fun social activities.

Pokémon Go

(-) Chasing imaginary creatures around in a game marketed for children.

(+) Exploring your community while participating in friendly cooperative and competitive game play.

See? 

Now, certainly not all hobbies are well-suited to all individuals and many of us will find ourselves agreeing more with the positive or negative perspective of each activity. I spend almost all of my spare time writing, while others would see that as boring or a waste of time. I personally don't understand the enjoyment that comes from watching sports but I don't think that anything is wrong with the people who do. 

But I think that is what this issue boils down to, like so many other things:

Fear and Anger About Things We Don't Understand

It's impossible to deny that this trend is tied to a generalized disappointment and derision of the younger generation (very often millennials). And this is not unique to our generation. Oddly enough, society -- its structure, laws and, yes, past times -- is always transforming and adapting and with these changes comes reluctance. Fear. Because it is terrifying to watch the world around you change into something you no longer relate to or understand. It's hard not to feel like something that belongs to you is being taken away. Vandalized. That you will be forgotten and neglected.

It's not unlikely that your parents or grandparents felt this way about your generation. That they shamed you for something you enjoyed. Maybe video games. Or television. Rock and roll. Comics. Technology. They didn't understand, and so they judged. And what did it accomplish aside from creating a divide between you? Aside from ostracizing themselves from a world they refused to accept?

When you put down something someone enjoys, you are judging an entire community on some contrived binary of "respectable" or not. A binary you built in a world that, frankly, doesn't look the way it does today. The way it will in two years. Ten. 

I can't help but think of the words of Cecil Palmer in the podcast Welcome to Night Vale. Words which I'm using here to illuminate the ridicule of an entire generation's recreational activities, but I have used before in much graver terms. And I hope you can see by now, how frighteningly related this kind of judgement is to many more insidious ones. I hope you can find a way to be more empathetic and accepting. 

"When confronted with someone whose “normal” is not our “normal,” we are forced to confront the most frightening prospect of all: that there is no such thing as “normal.” Just the accidental cultural moment we happened to be born into, a cultural happenstance that never existed before, and will never exist again.

Our idea of “normal” is a city built on sand. For instance, for us, our city is literally built on sand and this is our “normal.” We resist difference because it requires we acknowledge that the culture we grew up with as “normal” is just a momentary accident. It requires we accept that the world we were born into will never be the same as the world we die in. The longer we live, the more we become interlopers, even in our home towns. But, if we’d let it happen, also, the more we will learn."

- Welcome to Night Vale, Episode 83

Fish Hooks

When I was little, my daddy taught me about fish hooks. Opening his tackle box and lifting out a tiny golden hook he said, “You have to be very careful. The end is barbed, see? If that gets stuck in your skin and you try to pull it out, you’ll make a bloody mess.” He told me about the time he had one stuck in his thumb and had to cut the line and push the hook all the way through so that the barb didn’t catch.

I think storytellers aren’t so different from fisherman. They cast their lines out, trying to catch our hearts. Sometimes they just graze them or miss altogether, and we walk away, already forgetting their tales. Other times they hit their mark, embedding their sharp words in our tender, bleeding hearts. You can tell a lot about a storyteller by the way they remove their barbs – pushing the tale through us in a clean wound or ripping it away, leaving us raw and bloody.

Very rarely, when the story teller is skilled and we’ve left our hearts wide open, the hook lands so deep and so true that it remains stuck within our hearts. And every time we feel that ache of its barbs, we remember the tale that lives forever buried within our very being.

Wattpad and a New Poem

I mentioned briefly last post that I have been very busy working on my writing. For the most part, I've been dedicating 2-3 hours a day to novel-writing, but I've snuck in a bit of other stuff on the side. I've signed up on Wattpad and hopefully you'll start seeing some releases there soon. My previously posted creative content may be coming down while I do some thorough editing, but I will be re-releasing it on the blog and on Wattpad. And yes, new content as well.

If you don't know what Wattpad is, it's basically a digital platform for people to post their writing and for interested readers to check out a huge variety of novels, short stories, fan fiction and poetry for free! There's some really amazing stuff on there and, when I finish and edit it, I hope to serialize my novel there. That's a little ways off yet though, so for now, here's the poem that inspired the name of the blog. Hope you enjoy!

Everyday Dragons

 6:30 am

The bedclothes pin me to the mattress

Comforting

Crushing

They conspire with my anxieties to hold me back

The decision to begin is an overwhelming one

But life awaits beyond this dark den

7:24 am

I am trapped by my own reflection

Enthralled

Imprisoned

But nowhere as noble as Narcissus

For I still seek my love for myself

In between blemishes and asymmetries

9:15 am

The mass of the city finally lurks before me

Imposing

Dangerous

Its silhouette devours the skyline

Fear and awe mingle as I stand in its shadow

And breathe in its stinking breath

11:25 am

My fear of time motivates me

Wasting it

Spending it

I weigh every action by the time it takes

And how I could better spend each moment

Every decision is found wanting

2:56 pm

Each injustice I witness scathes me

Inequality

Apathy

The battles that I win and the ones I lose

The wars I'm too afraid to wage

On ears that are voluntarily deaf

4:37 pm

My mind and body are pushed to the limits

Exhausted

Defeated

Pain mingles with relief and hope

I imagine heroes stronger than me

And it is their will that conveys me home

7:00 pm

At the end of the day I wrap myself in fiction

Wonder

Escape

The fantastic and the strange envelop me

I see myself reflected in ways no mirror could ever show

There is majesty and triumph even in the face of the beast

10:36 pm

I sleep well knowing these everyday dragons

Haven't conquered me yet.

Update - Everyday Dragons

Alright, so a brief update on the blog and what to expect over the next little while.

A while ago I changed the title from Idlewild to Everyday Dragons, so what's up with that? Basically, Idlewild was something I loved from Anne of Green Gables, but it wasn't mine. I wanted something original that better reflected the kind of content I was posting. So what kind of content was I posting? What was the overall theme I seemed to go back to time and again?

I tend to write primarily about fiction, whether through the medium of books, movies, television, games, etc. I also talk about opinions, personal struggles, social justice - often informed by popular culture or geek culture. It's a philosophy of mine that the stories we consume are incredibly important to our identities. They change our perspectives and expose us to new ideas, places and characters. They provide escape from our daily struggles while often lending us strength or the proper mindset to overcome them. Stories can reflect the social norms, while also reinforcing them or challenging them.

Everyday Dragons is a poem I wrote about these things (maybe it'll make it's way onto the site one day when I'm completely happy with it). The title itself acknowledges the fact that we all have challenges we face daily. Obvious ones like conflict or oppression, and more personal struggles like depression or self-doubt. It also seeks to legitimize those challenges. Sometimes we see our struggles as insignificant, perceive ourselves as weak for being unable to overcome them, but every challenge we face - big and small, systemic or personal - has to be overcome by us. They are our personal dragons - every day we defeat them, tame them, learn to live with them, or sometimes just survive them. Again, the stories that we surround ourselves with can help approach these issues with strength and courage, or at least recognize that we have, in fact, been strong and courageous all along.

As for the blog's structure moving forward: right now I've decided to move away from a consistent schedule for posts. I've been very strict about writing every evening and am currently working on a lengthy project. So I will certainly try to update as much as possible, but this may mean no posts for a few weeks, a post a week or a post a day for a short time. I'd rather write and post when I feel passionate and have the time, then steal time away from my other projects or force myself to write a post when I don't really want to. 

Other than that, you may notice that there's now a "What I'm Reading" and "What I'm Watching" section on the right hand side of the blog in case any one is curious or wants to chat about books, shows, etc. They may also come up in posts. Expect the watching list to shrink significantly or at least have more titles put on hold since I've been spending so much time writing and am finding little time for anything else. (Except Wagnaria!! which I somehow managed to watch over two seasons of in a little over two weeks.)

If anything changes or I have any news, I'll make sure it makes it up as soon as possible this time! Hope everyone is having a happy summer! 

Late to the Game

I'm sitting around a table with four or five other people. I'm maybe 15 or 16 years old. Some of these people I have been friends with for years, though I haven't seen them much since I moved across town. They're incredibly friendly, incredibly welcoming, and yet I feel tense. We're sitting around a table, playing a game of Dungeons and Dragons. I want to enjoy myself, but I'm too intimidated. Everyone else here has been playing for a long time. I'm afraid that I look stupid because I have no idea what I'm doing. I feel overwhelmed by the details and rules. I'm worried that every question I ask annoys them. I'm also worried what the rest of my social circle would think of me playing a table top role playing game. I play maybe one more campaign with them over the next couple of months and then we grow apart. 

Image source: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dungeons_%26_Dragons

It's a decade later and I want to get into D&D. I realize now what I was too nervous to see then - if I wanted to enjoy the game, I should have just been honest. I should have told them I was nervous. Told them I felt like an idiot for not knowing the rules. Maybe asked for more help. There were a lot of other things going on at the time (I was a teenager, no surprise) but I have no doubt that I would have been welcomed and would have picked up the flow of the game fairly quickly. And forget about what anyone else thought about what I decided to do with my free time. 

I've been meaning to write this post for a while now. I think our hobbies and interests are very important to us. Many of us define ourselves by them; we spend our free time and money - as little as that may be - enjoying and investing in them. We might even wear t-shirts or pins to show them off. We might throw parties or attend events to celebrate them. We cosplay and permanently tattoo our bodies.

Image source: http://fuckyeahharrypottertattoos.tumblr.com/page/7

Some of our hobbies and interests we are practically born with. I grew up in a home with Lord of the Rings and Sword of Shannara on the bookshelf and movie nights featuring Legend, Willow, and Star Wars. Science fiction and fantasy, literature and film... these were things I came to love very early in my life and it was easy to immerse myself in them because they were loved and promoted at home.

Not all of our interests come about this way. For instance, my love for anime was something I discovered on my own. I watched Sailor Moon, Digimon and Cardcaptor on YTV and I knew I wanted to look into this genre further. I knew I wanted more. My parents didn't really get it though and none of my friends growing up showed more than a passing interest. I didn't really start exploring a variety of movies and shows until first year university. The fact is, it can be a real challenge to start a new hobby.

I mean, what don't you get about this Mom and Dad? Also, I'm pretty sure Matt was my first love.
Image source: http://kidfromthe6ix.com/2014/08/08/my-top-15-ytv-shows-growing-up/

The challenge arises from a variety of factors - how niche or stigmatized that hobby is, whether anyone around you has that hobby, the cost involved, the amount of information required to start, whether it is a solo or group activity, etc.

A lot of my interests, and a lot of so-called "geek" hobbies, are fairly niche. Many also have some sort of prejudice or stigma attached (e.g. anime is for kids, video games are for teen boys, LARPing is for the socially-inept). This alone is a huge barrier to overcome, especially for someone whose immediate social circle may not be interested. But it is so worth it to find something you enjoy doing.

If you look back over my blog posts, you'll realize that many are dedicated to recommendations. I even did a guide for those who wanted to start getting into anime. The reason I do these posts is because I've been there. Anime, video games, comics... these are all things I embraced as I got older, and they are an incredibly important part of my life now. Anime was mostly self-driven exploration but the others required a lot of help.

My dad played a lot of video games when I was a kid, but by the time I was old enough to really start playing them on my own, we only had one outdated system. I played a bit at my friends' houses, but I missed out on a lot of titles until I grew up and married a man with a passion for gaming. That interest was always there, but the accessibility wasn't. I still face criticism when people find out I haven't played all of the classics (I missed out on most of the Zeldas, Final Fantasies, etc, etc), but I don't let that stop me. Your interests are what are important, irrelevant of whether they fit inside of some box labelled "gamer". If you're having fun, then who cares. If you feel like going back and playing the titles you've missed over the years, go for it! If they don't interest you, forget about them. As long as you can afford (or find if you're into retro games) a system and some titles, gaming isn't too hard to get into. Ignore the haters and just check out reviews and titles on the internet. Or ask store clerks and friends for recommendations. You'll eventually find people with tastes similar to yours and sites that tend to parallel your own opinions.

It was super exciting to watch... I swear. These graphics, top of the line.
Image source: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ec9AD_KxtyM

Comics are tougher, in my opinion. As a kid I loved all the comic book shows and movies - Batman, Superman, X-men, Spiderman, and so on - but no one in my family read comics. None of my friends read comics either as far as I know (or no one I felt comfortable asking). I'm pretty sure my town had only one comic book store and it wasn't exactly newbie friendly. I was a kid with no idea where to start, limited internet access, and no one to turn to. I finally got up the nerve to buy the Sandman series, and as an adult I met a friend who was more than happy to suggest titles and lend me his copies.

And that's just the relationships... 
Image source: http://www.businessinsider.com/marvel-relationships-chart-2015-2

The difficulty with comics is simply that some of the universes are freaking massive. Marvel in particular, but a lot of the DC stuff is really daunting too. Luckily there's some amazing one-offs and short series that are great to start with. I just ignore the individual issues and wait for the trade paperback versions to be released (volumes that collect a chunk of individual issues). Of course, if you really want to start getting into the big DC and Marvel titles like Batman or the Avengers, the internet is a wonderful resource. You can find recommendation reading lists or background summaries if you just want to catch up. There are also convenient anthologies put together for fans of certain characters. And honestly, just ask the guy or girl at the counter. They may not know everything, but they are there because they love comics.

If you do happen to be someone who has wanted to get into comics for a while... this is actually a good time. DC just rebooted their titles with the New 52 a few years ago and Marvel is currently restructuring their whole universe with the Secret Wars. Things are starting fairly fresh and you have a lot less background to research (unless of course you want to, then by all means).

The point I'm trying to make is that it's never too late to start a new hobby. My husband and I just started getting into board games after years of talking about it. We just pick up whatever looks interesting or check out the reviews on BoardGameGeek. As I mentioned, we also want to get into D&D - a fairly large endeavor considering we don't know anyone in the area who plays and only one of us has any experience playing. We refuse to let that stop us, even if that means getting to know some new people in town or modifying the game to play on our own.

If there's something you've been yearning to try, don't wait for years like I did. Do some research. Ask around. Check out community organizations or the local library (you'd be surprised by some of the how-to's libraries host). The fact is that most people LOVE to talk about their interests (I mean, that's pretty much what I'm doing right now), so it never hurts to ask. If they criticize you, walk away. If they were really passionate about it they'd be happy that another person was interested too. And, of course, the flip side is that we need to be tolerant of other people's interests when they're different and make them feel welcome when they're similar.

Whether you're curious about role playing, Disc World, manga, Doctor Who, coding, comics... whatever... look into it. And I know the focus here is on geek culture, but the same goes for things like art, crafts and sports. You're not too late to join in.

If you've tried something new recently feel free to share in the comments. And if any of the people from my original D&D experience are reading... thanks for being so welcoming and patient. It may not have been the right time, but that positive experience is part of the reason I want to try again. 

The Purple Fig and other much needed updates

Just a quick post today with some much needed updates.

First and foremost... my short story Good Girl was picked up by the Purple Fig for their Summer Fiction Series! The editor gave me an awesome introduction - you can read it and the story here:

Good Girl - Yuri's Story at the Purple Fig

That particular piece of news should have been up almost two weeks ago and I know it's been a long time since I've checked in. So what am I up to right now?

Mostly I've been focusing on creative input rather than output. What I mean is that, over the past several months, I haven't had much time to take in many stories. Books, movies, games... what with a very active toddler and little sleep, I just didn't have the time or energy. Finally over the past month or two I've been able to scavenge an hour or two to myself every day. And oh boy have I been making up for lost time.

I think I've read at least a dozen books, watched a couple movies, even been watching my husband play the Witcher 3... it's been great. The best news is that I finally feel like I'm prepared to write again. I feel inspired. Passionate. Sometimes it just helps to fall in love with story-telling all over again. I'm filled to absolute bursting with wonderful stories that I've been reading and watching. I'm sure you'll hear more about that soon.

Anyway, due to some changes around the apartment and some serious ongoing tidying, I've been left without a work space or computer for quite some time. That ends tonight. From here I just need to work on tidying up my virtual space to keep track of my work and progress, and to create some sort of schedule I can stick to with some confidence. 

You have no idea how exciting that last one is to me. There has been no consistency in this household for almost two years now (my daughter vehemently fights schedules and apparently loathes predictability). Being able to anticipate something with any degree of certainty is pure bliss. I can start properly "working", not to mention learning (my HTML is getting very rusty and wasn't great in the first place), and... are you ready for this... I can even have DATE NIGHTS. Geeky anime-watching, book-reading, board-game-playing DATE NIGHTS. With like... candles... and Japanese food... and maybe even close physical contact. I know, the romance here is clearly mind-blowing.

Anyway, I will be back... SOON. With real content and discussion. I mean let's be honest... Mad Max: Fury Road came out... like I was really going to let that one pass by without at least a mention. The blog is also being updated (painfully slowly, I know). The title has changed, and I intend to discuss that in greater detail soon too. 

For now, thank you to my readers and to the people who have supported me as well as the Purple Fig for choosing my story. Now that I've had my first work published I have no intention of stopping there.