Knock knock...

Late post... but I guess that's appropriate given the subject matter.

Hallowe'en is coming up this Friday and I felt obligated to write something in theme for this month's creative content. So I whipped up a little flash fic. It's shameless, I know.

As usual, the story will also be posted at the short story link to the right.

For those less inclined to creepiness... you can find my children's Hallowe'en story, Witch's Brew, here. Or in the new Children's Story section to the right.

Enjoy, and have a great Hallowe'en!

Knock Knock

I heard the knocking before I was completely awake. It inserted itself neatly into the dream I was having as the ticking of a grandfather clock. I stood on tiptoe, staring into its antique, yellowing face. Panic jolted my body into wakefulness as I noticed the face staring back at me – two eyes shadowed and hidden behind two small holes just above the centre, where the hands met. The dream slowly faded away, but the ticking stubbornly remained.

Tick

Tock

Tick

Tock

Tick

Knock

Knock

Knock

Someone was at my apartment door.

I glanced at my clock, thankfully small and digital at my bedside. 1:45 am. Who would be knocking at this hour? My mind raced over the list of possible people and the panic that had started to ebb upon waking, began to rise once more. No one came immediately to mind.

The knocking had stopped and I listened to see if the person would continue. If it was an emergency, surely they wouldn't stop. Surely it would sound more frantic than the metronomic pounding I thought I had heard.

Silence.

I remembered my phone. I reached over the bedside table to find it. My hand, trembling slightly, lost its grip and it clattered loudly on the hardwood floor. The sound reverberated through the entire room.

I held my breath. What if the person were still outside the door? What if it was better if they thought I was still asleep or not home? I mean, I really didn't know who it could be.

The silence was taught, like an instrument string about to snap. Finally I exhaled and turned on my phone's screen. The electric light seemed to illuminate the entire room. I felt exposed. I glanced up to make sure my blinds were closed completely before realizing how silly I was being. After all, it was probably no one. Someone a little tipsy getting the wrong apartment.

It's only Wednesday, I thought. There must be people who drink on Wednesdays right? Or maybe they're just overtired from a late shift at work. They've realized their mistake and gone home now.

I glanced at my phone. No messages. My family lives over an hour away, so they would definitely call first. I don't have many friends in town and certainly not any that would drop by in the middle of the night unannounced. My boyfriend, Sam, he might.

But Sam's in Korea. He won't be finished his semester for another month. Did something happen?

I texted Sam's number and asked if he happened to be in town.

I browsed the net for a while to calm my nerves before finally laying my head back on the pillow. I nearly jumped out of my skin when the knocking began again.

Knock knock.

Knock knock.

I listened closely, praying that maybe it was someone knocking on the neighbour's door. Maybe it wasn't even my door at all.

Knock knock knock knock.

It was definitely mine. Maybe it was a neighbour. They'd been locked out. They needed help.

Then why only your door? There are plenty of others to choose from. And why so calm?

I started to get out of bed, figuring I would just going up to the door and look out the eye hole. But then my imagination won out.

What if they're waiting? They'll hear your foot steps. They'll see your shadow pass the peep hole.

I remembered that stupid scene from Scream when the man leans in to overhear a conversation in the bathroom stall next to his. The knife that was waiting. I imagined a knife on the other side of the small glass hole. Waiting for my eye to curiously glance out.

That's stupid. You're being stupid.

But by the time i got to my feet the knocking stopped. I sat back down on the bed.

I wanted desperately to turn on the light. I wanted to bathe in light. But again I looked up to my bedroom window. I had picked a first floor apartment because I figured it would be safest during a fire. I was now wishing I was a few floors up. I left the light out - maybe they'd think no one was home.

Who is this person anyway? Who am I so afraid of? For all I know it's the little old lady from down the hall. Maybe she needs some help and she remembers the nice young girl who works at the coffee shop.

I tried to tell myself how ridiculous I was being. I tried to think about how the morning staff would laugh at the shop tomorrow. I was still getting to know everyone, this might be a nice story to break the ice.

It could be someone from the shop.

But no one from the shop knew my address.

Someone knows it. It's on your emergency information. Someone could have went digging...

I tried to clear my mind. I took a breath and glanced at the clock. 2:35 am.

Knock.

Knock knock.

Knock.

Goddammit. Please, no. Just stop.

I thought about calling the cops. But what would I tell them? Would they come out when I hadn't even tried to see who it was? Maybe I should call my parents.

They're an hour away, what are they going to do? Find your body in the morning?

I willed my mind to shut up. I wanted to puke. I tried to objectively decide how absolutely out of proportion I was making this situation. I failed miserably.

Knock knock knock.

Knock knock.

I gritted my teeth. I stood up. I had to consciously force every muscle in my body to move. I tried to be as quiet as possible, but I couldn't see well. I walked into the dining room table on my way to the door. Every time there was a pause between knocks I froze. Held my breath.

But it always started again.

Knock knock knock.

Knock.

Knock knock.

I licked my dry lips as I made it to the door. A small explosion of yellow, fluorescent light marked the eye hole. I lifted my head up, and looked out...

As I was saying...

*Trigger warning - discussion of sexual assault and rape*

This post is a continuation from last week's blog. 

Okay, where was I? Oh yes... Sam Pepper... He essentially made a living off of sexually harassing women on the street, posting it to YouTube and somehow collecting far far too many likes and views.

Why does this happen? In fact, why do we let this happen? Why does it take so long for someone like Sam to get called out and why are there people running to defend him?

Because things like the Jennifer Lawrence nude pictures "scandal" can happen. Where a woman's privacy is violated, her naked body violated, put up for all to see as if it were a toy, a tool for other people's pleasure before her own. And what do people say? "I guess she shouldn't have taken those pictures." "I guess she shouldn't have left them somewhere where someone could so easily break the lock." 

It sounds a lot like " She shouldn't have worn that skirt"  or "that top". "She shouldn't have been out at night, drinking, with a crowd like that, because what did she expect?" What do you expect when you don't keep your body locked and hidden away like some expensive piece of jewelry you only wear on special occasions. The necklace you only wear for the really important people to see. But be careful, because when you flash your money around what do you expect but for people to try to take it?

But this isn't money or jewelry or some valuable object. These are our bodies, ourselves, beyond value. Not something meant to be bought and sold or stolen. Not for anyone to see or touch except ourselves and the people with whom we choose to share them. They do not tarnish when touched by too many hands or when worn too often. 

Our bodies are inseparable from ourselves. They are extensions of our thinking, emotional selves. We can share ourselves, show ourselves, interact with the world. But when you lay claim to our bodies, touch our skin or judge these vessels with words meant to control, you do so to more than the sinews, the bones and the flesh that you obsess over so much. 

Those women on the street are not baubles for people like Sam to peruse, to try on or assess. They are human fucking beings.

So this is the meaning of rape culture. That women's bodies can be compared to objects. Used to sell products. Used to help someone get off. Considered something that others have the right to examine and judge. Something that others can own, and therefore steal, and should be protected and hidden.

Something that loses value the more that it's used. So that when someone enjoys their body, wears it proudly every day, shares it with people without shame, they are derided and told, with disgust, to put it away.

And the girls who do cover up. The careful and slow ones that need to know themselves completely long before inviting anyone else in. Well, they are misers keeping their gold ferreted away. They aren't sharing, which is selfish. How dare they think their bodies belong to themselves.

And so, as the cliché goes... We are damned if we do and damned if we don't.

What about men? What about boys? You guys should be fighting, not just a culture that demeans half its population but a culture that portrays you like curs. A culture that tells its little girls to watch out for men. "All men are dogs." "They only want one thing." "They'll take advantage whenever they can." 

I always think it's funny when men complain about feminists for putting them down. Meanwhile we're out there fighting the very system that portrays men as less than human.  

I've seen men balk at the notion that they should be responsible for preventing rape. That teaching men not to rape is insulting. Then they complain that they're portrayed as big bad wolves. But by telling us that the burden falls on women to defend ourselves, they're telling us that we should be afraid. 

I'm sick to death of "boys will be boys" and "they can't help it, what can you do?" Tell your son he can't control these feelings he has. Tell him he can't help but do anything he can to fulfill these desires. Then look your daughter in the eyes and tell her "you can't teach someone not to rape," as if any of you even tried.

I hear them argue on the news that it's up to women to defend themselves, that they should carry weapons and prepare to fight because these men would rape regardless of what they're taught. Rapists are criminals lurking in the shadows. But really most are the people we know and we trust. Not stalking us at night and breaking into our homes - they're the ones that walked us from work, the ones we invited in. That little boy, your son, who you didn't teach that "only yes, means yes." The boy that heard you say "what did she expect?" when they reported that date rape on the news.

I've been told to my face that it would be entirely my own fault if I were raped when not wearing enough clothes or dancing too suggestively or putting myself around intoxicated men.  That wives can't be raped because they're assumed to be willing. Because "it's genetic for men to want sex, so it's not their fault."

As if all men are predators. Oh, how I hate that word. It plays people for fools with the comparisons it makes.

If you leave your food out on a camping trip or go out unprotected where you know wild animals live, is it really so surprising when you're mauled by a bear, a wolf or a wild cat? Is it really the bear's fault when he's only doing what's in his nature?

And so what about "sexual predators"? Is it really their fault when you tempt them like that?

The problem is that they're not predators out looking for lunch. For the most part, they are human beings. And the only thing we have as humans, really, is our ability to use reason and emotion to overcome our basic desires and instincts. So, no, the two things don't compare unless you want to argue that half the population are slaves to an outdated genetic trait. That half of the population is less than human. Then remember who said it, and stop blaming me.

So what can we, regardless of gender, do to start making things better for everyone?

Stand up and speak out. Stop being afraid of labels as benign as feminist and white knight. Call people out, because silence is deadly. Especially in a world where silence is currently equated with agreement and consent. 

Teach your girls and boys to respect each other, not to fear or control one another. Teach them about their bodies.

And learn about yours. 

Women, know your bodies so you can better know how to speak up. So you can ask and participate and give full consent. Or confidently say no. So you never are made to feel ashamed in your own skin.

Men know your bodies so that they can be used to give pleasure and not pain. So you can learn better control and share in your partners enjoyment and not just your own. And so you also can give full consent and also feel confident saying no.

Because open discussion between all genders can only create understanding. Instead of being ashamed or ignorant of our bodies we can share them, or keep them, as equals.

Just be open and honest. Share your thoughts. Start debates and discussions. Ask questions if you're not sure you understand. Don't be afraid that people will be angry at you for pointing out an injustice. If they are, it usually means they know something's wrong and are afraid of the change that comes with fixing it.

Change is hard, but it's a hell of a lot easier when we talk and work together. 

We need to talk.

I think even if you live under a rock, you've probably heard something about gender equality, sexual harassment and violence against women in the media lately. Whether you heard about Ray Rice's fiancee being beaten unconscious and the resulting #whyIstayed campaign, over 70 cases of US colleges mishandling sexual assault cases, the events surrounding #gamergate, the threats against Emma Watson and the UN's #heforshe campaign, the #yesallwomen response to an LA shooting or even Jeopardy's ridiculously outdated and ignorant "What Women Want" topic.... There's a lot to read about, to examine and discuss.

Before I get into any sort of discussion, I think we need to have a talk about something. The F word. That's right... FEMINISM (say that in your scariest Homeland Security TERRORISM voice). 

Yes, I am a feminist. What does that mean? Does it mean I think men are inferior? Does it mean I'm trying hard to overthrow family values, democracy and the patriarchy? Does it mean I'm trying to claim men have no issues and only contribute to the problems of women? And why does feminism give you this icky feeling like maybe you shouldn't touch it unless it's with gloves or maybe a really long stick?

 

Webster's dictionary defines feminism as "the theory of the political, economic, and social equality of the sexes." So all feminism means is that you think all genders should have equal rights. That's it. So if you believe men and women should be equal, you agree with feminism. Obviously the difficulty arises when individuals and groups disagree over what is "equal" .

Unfortunately, the aforementioned issues are pretty indicative of whether we have true equality in our society. Are the genders really equal when women undergo significantly more domestic and dating violence than men, still make less than men despite being statistically more educated, still have to cope daily with sexual harassment and degradation? And then on top of this be told that it's their own fault and/or they're imagining/exaggerating the problem?

And yes, before you start chiming in with, "but men have problems too!" or "I don't identify as a feminist because I'm a humanist and I care about all people," let me just explain why those are both red herrings that only serve to derail important discussions. 

We're not talking about men's issues today. Not because they're not important, but because we're talking about women today. This may have some overlap with men's issues since many of the same sexist attitudes that are harmful to women also hurt men (e.g. a general acceptance that feminine = inferior means men are criticized for having feminine interests, physical features, sharing their emotions etc). 

Let me simplify it so everyone can see how frustrating it is when someone feels the need to direct the conversation towards " but men get harassed too!" and " but look what men have to put up with!" 

Let's say I'm giving a presentation about cake (because why not). Suddenly someone has a question.

"But what about pie?"

"Ah, well that is also a dessert. It is similar to cake in many ways, but today I'm here to talk about cake."

"But pie is delicious too."

"Yes it is, and that is a whole topic on its own. So I'm going to return to talking about cake. Cake is often topped with frosting..."

"But pies usually have ice cream or whipped cream, not frosting."

"That's correct. Except we're talking about cake."

It's frustrating.

So why not talk about both pie and cake? They're both desserts, argue the humanists (dessertists?)

The problem is that by broadening it to a "human" problem you are disregarding many points. I agree that gender, race, religion etc shouldn't matter. Unfortunately, we don't live in that world yet. And the fact is that it ignores specific needs/challenges associated with different groups. If we don't look at why certain groups are marginalized specifically, then we won't know how to teach people not to marginalize or how to adjust our society so that it can be more inclusive. For example, women are frequently pushed out of the workplace due to pregnancy/childbirth/breastfeeding. Therefore women have a unique need for maternity/parental leave and breastfeeding support. There are also needs caused by longstanding cultural prejudices and beliefs (racism, ageism, sexism etc). Often people don't even realize they are being prejudice when stereotypes have been culturally ingrained in them for years. We have to first address these issues before we can look at everything on equal footing. This isn't to say humanism is wrong - it just means that feminism/ combatting sexism falls neatly under the umbrella of humanism.

So if feminism has nothing to do with subversive agendas and power grabs... why do I feel the need to separate myself from it? The answer is actually quite simple. Feminism is being presented and defined by a culture that still requires it. That is to say, if a culture still requires feminism then women are obviously not being given equal representation. How do you think a culture that does not give its women equal representation will present feminism? Not very well.

Anita Sarkeesian, creator of Feminist Frequency and pop culture critic, has an excellent video that demonstrates many of the ways that our mainstream media denigrates "feminists" and creates a negative, extreme image of what feminism is. (Keep in mind any group has extremists, so this isn't to say that there aren't feminists out there with exaggerated, harmful views. They are, however, the minority.) I highly recommend watching it below. As a side note - Anita was recently driven from her home by death and rape threats in response to a feminist video game critique she uploaded.

So where am I going with all of this? Honestly, there are a million things I could talk about. This week alone I've found myself hitting my head against the wall regarding multiple issues. Media representation of women, the importance of marketing for young girls, common misconceptions about women's standing in our culture. I think, for now, I'm going to start by introducing the event that prompted me to write this post. 

Sam Pepper. That is to say sexual harassment and rape culture. I will follow up with my next post, addressing the topic more fully. I'd love to do it now, but it's been a busy week and the post is already getting on. A lot of people will be turned off simply by the topic, I don't want the length to discourage them further.

A week or two ago, Youtube contributor Sam Pepper was accused of sexual harassment (and later of a whole slew of crimes including rape and sexual assault). I'm going to let Laci Green tell you about it, because she's the one who brought a lot of attention to it in the first place.

How does this kind of thing happen? Why were his videos so popular in the first place? Is sexual harassment really that big a deal? Is it really that common? What can we do to prevent it and raise awareness?

I'll be taking a look at these questions and more next week. For now, feel free to comment, discuss and ask questions. See you next Sunday.

September in Wonderland

I love fall. Though I can honestly say I love all of the seasons, fall is definitely my favourite. Warm sweaters, cool breezes, colourful leaves, pumpkins (and everything pumpkin spice). I could go on forever about how much I anticipate this season.

And cute babies chasing after leaves...

It goes without saying then, that I love things that feel like fall. (You know what I mean: books and stories that have that Autumnal feeling. The feeling of red, gold and brown, of cinnamon spice, of crisp air, of tart apples with brown sugar, of early evening and the embrace that is coming home out of the cold, of beginnings and endings.)

I also love Alice's Adventures in Wonderland and Alice Through the Looking Glass.

Bear with me here.

For all the stories that claim to be like Alice in Wonderland, I've never actually found one that comes close. This includes the film adaptations of the story itself.

You see, both books have no real purpose. They are stories in their purest form. Alice's adventures are like dreams - they resemble the real world in the sense that the objects and characters within them are recognizably familiar, but the events that occur and the rules that govern them often have no relation to the real world. So while the concept of a sheep, a boat and knitting are familiar, suddenly finding oneself in a boat with a sheep knitting with several needles is entirely absurd.

Unlike most stories, there is no overarching plot to the Wonderland books. There isn't really good and evil. There isn't much in the way of character development. There is no grand goal or quest. There is simply curiosier and curioser.

Except for the fact that Through the Looking is actually the move set of a finished chess game... But I digress.

Disney's adaptation tells the story of a little girl improving her character and finding her way home from a dark, terrifying fairy world. Not too far from the truth, but they skip all the really good (weird) bits and make the plot much more cohesive. Tim Burton just took the most popular characters from the story and inserted them into some grand tale about good and evil that had no resemblance to the source material.

Image Source: http://www.costumersguide.com/alice_halloweencostumes.shtml

My favorite adaptation is the 1999 TV movie with Whoopi Goldberg, Martin Short, Gene Wilder, Miranda Richardson etc. Despite Rotten Tomatoes giving it a 33%, I felt it most loyally portrayed the events of the stories. Although, once again, they provided it with some overarching plot about stage fright to give it cohesiveness.

The closest thing I've ever encountered to a true "Wonderland" story is Miyazaki's Spirited Away. The world is populated by a variety of unexpected creatures and the rule set of the spirit world is vague and fluid. Yet, Chihiro doesn't question the world so much as adapts to each situation she encounters. Once again, though, there is significantly more plot and character development in Spirited Away than the Wonderland tales (which isn't necessarily a bad thing).

Image source: http://spiritedaway.wikia.com

This week, I finally discovered a story that truly feels like Alice's adventures. An autumnal Wonderland. Nonsense and fairy stuff in a package wrapped with orange paper and smelling of cinnamon and woodsmoke. Throw in a dash of Kafka and zest of satire and I'm hooked.

The Girl Who Circumnavigated Fairyland in a Ship of Her Own Making is all of these things.

Image source: https://www.goodreads.com

It is simultaneously a traditional tale about a girl's adventures in fairyland (her name is September by the way), a critique of bureaucracy, honesty and adulthood, and a self-aware piece of literature that has a frequent tendency to break the fourth wall in the most meaningful ways. Like autumn, it is both vibrant and heartbreaking.

It comes recommended by Neil Gaiman, Tamora Pierce and Holly Black.

Like in the Wonderland stories, there isn't much of an overarching goal driving the main character. September's tumble into fairyland is whimsical and her encounters are circumstantial. Though she has many meaningful adventures and completes grand tasks, she takes on each as she comes across it. Much like Alice, she has no destination but travels through the world as through a dream. Improving on Wonderland, in my opinion, there is a significant amount of character development and metaphor which lends to the rich emotional atmosphere. 

The point is, if you love Alice's Adventures in Wonderland, if you're looking for a unique Autumn read or you're just generally into all things magical and bizarre... I highly, highly recommend this book. 

Added bonus: It's the first in a series!

Are there any stories that remind you of Autumn? If so, feel free to share in the comments! 

Looking for a good book?

I know it's a long ways off, but I'm thinking of putting together a book recommendation list for the holidays. I'd like to give some suggestions based on genre and similarity to more popular (which generally means Hollywood-adapted) novels. I've already got some in mind, suggestions for those who loved The Fault in Our Stars, Harry Potter, Hunger Games, Twilight and some others. Now, I'd like to know what you think. 

I'd love to know what kinds of books people would like to see on this list. If you're looking for something in a specific genre/sub-genre (high fantasy, tear-jerker, dystopian teen fic) or you really want a book in the vein of something else you've read (or watched) recently, let me know in the comments. Or send me a message if it's for someone else and you don't want them to know. This will give me time to do some reading and re-reading before posting a finalized Holiday Book Recommendation List (or something catchier) come December. 

Sorry for the short post today, it's been a very long week. I'm sure I'll have something to rant about by next week... 

Kids' Stuff

Have you ever skipped out on enjoying something because it was "for kids"? Stayed home the night all your friends went to see that final installment of the Harry Potter franchise or pass on that new young adult novel the internet is fawning over? Teased your buddy for being a Brony or your girlfriend for shipping Korra and Mako? 

Image Source: http://avatar.wikia.com/wiki/Shipping
I'm more of a Masami fan myself...

What if I told you that it's okay to enjoy media marketed towards kids and young adults? 

What if I told you that you're actually missing out by omitting it on principle? 

First, I think it's important to examine why the thought of consuming children's media can be unappealing or uncomfortable.

1. Simplicity - we worry that stories for kids will lack complex plot or characters

2. Silliness - we feel that the content will be silly or cater too much to "children's humour."

3. Innocence - we think a lack of adult themes, such as violence or sexuality, will make the story boring.

4. Unrelateable characters - we're not sure what we will find in common with a cast of children and/or anthropomorphic animals.

5. Image - we don't want to be considered immature or childish for willingly consuming media intended for people well below our age range.

Now, before I begin unboxing these, I want to clarify what children's media I am taking about. Obviously, shows like Dora the Explorer and books like Spot Goes on a Picnic are significantly more simplistic than shows like Adventure Time and books like Tuck Everlasting. I'm not trying to convince anyone to enjoy ALL children's media, but to discourage people from dismissing it simply because the target audience is under 18. So I will be focusing primarily on plot-driven narrative aimed at children able to cognize and mentally examine the world and people around them.

Okay. So, simplicity. I think this is simply (ha, see what I did there) a misconception. Many narratives written for consumption by the younger generations are as complex and believable as their mature-rated counterparts. Again, I'm going to mention the Studio Ghibli films. My Neighbour Totoro and Ponyo are both aimed at children age 5+ and yet both feature a complex and gripping narrative about family, nature and the spirit world. Books like the Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe and a Wrinkle in Time are well known for their complexity. The first an allegory for the story of Jesus and the second incorporating intense concepts of space-time theory and mathematics.

Frozen is a wonderful example of the complexity of children's narratives. It has spurred countless debates between adults about hidden subtexts and the subversion of many tropes generally employed by Disney films. Check out Idea Channel's breakdown of the film for instance.

I also think it's important to realize who the real audience of children's media is. Rarely do children consume media independently, but are often accompanied by at least one adult - a parent, babysitter, teacher, etc. If Disney wants a child to buy a movie ticket to see their newest blockbuster, they need to entice the child's entire family. Their movie must be fun and entertaining for young children, engaging for older children, and yet still enjoyable for the parents. Writers have to cleverly craft a story deep enough for adults and with enough surface value to amuse the children who can't really follow what is going on. 

This brings me to silliness and humor. The flexibility that the movie and TV industry must have to appeal to whole families extends to comedy. Anyone who has watched Nickelodeon shows or many Disney movies could tell you that there is very often humor included "just for adults". Jokes that go over children's heads.

Here's a list of some of the jokes you may have missed when you were a kid.

Even ignoring these jokes, I would argue that the humor in children's content can still appeal to all ages. Ask most parents. They'll tell you how much they still laugh when watching shows like Looney Toons, Spongebob Squarepants, or Fairly Odd Parents. Ask anyone who has watched a Pixar movie if children's films can be funny. 

Robert Munch is a great example of the sweet, clever humor of children's books. Some great YA novels have setups and gags that could make anyone laugh out loud include Diana Wynne Jones' Howl's Moving Castle series, J K Rowling's Harry Potter series and Terry Pratchett's Tiffany Aching series.

And don't get me started on games. Mario, Ratchet and Clank, Sly, Little Big Planet. Each has its own brand of hilarity accessible to all ages.

All of the aforementioned have a well crafted sense of humor that mixes brilliant timing, intelligent setups, and, yes, silliness. And if you try to tell me silliness only appeals to children, please explain the popularity of comedians like Will Ferrell, Jim Carey and Amy Poehler. Not to mention most action films...

Image Source: http://pandawhale.com/post/16088/theres-power-in-looking-silly-and-not-caring-that-you-do-amy-poehler

Just as clean humor can appeal to a universal audience, so can PG rated content. A film, book, or game does not require adult-rated content to be entertaining to adults. If you really believe violence and sexuality are paramount to a film's worth, you are saying those are the only meaningful elements of human interaction. Which is fine if you think that, but kinda disturbing.

The reason I love children's and young adult stories so much is that they are generally a safe place. I have been feeling more and more lately that I'm coming across unnecessary violence and thematic elements in adult media. Whether this is for shock value or a justification for the media being deemed "mature" or "for adults", I'm not sure.  When I really don't feel like stomaching another bloodbath or rape scene, I know kids' movies and books are a pretty safe bet. 

That's not to say they don't contain dark or "adult" issues. Many children's narratives - the Lion King, Bridge to Terebithia, and Old Yeller for instance- include death as a central theme. They deal with responsibility and guilt for a death, coping with the death of a family member, and questions of an afterlife. Post-apocalyptic worlds and human survival are also very mature themes commonly included in media for kids. Nausicaa and Wall-E are both films that handle these topics very meaningfully while still being appropriate for children.

Image Source: http://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/coraline/
The "Other Mother" from Coraline

There are many other examples of adult or dark themes in children's media. Philip Pullman's His Dark Materials series criticizes religion, questions the morality of humankind and the very nature of spirituality itself. Neil Gaiman's Coraline, aside from being genuinely frightening, deals with family flaws and the fragility of child-parent relationships. The Legend of Zelda: Majora's Mask is riddled with dark scenarios as you fulfill a dead man's wish to save his illegitimate (and technically unborn) children from a band of pirates, rescue a girl from her father who she has locked in a closet, and many other similarly tragic circumstances. A bit of a spoiler (though it occurs about 10 minutes into the film), but Up deals with a couple coping with their inability to have children and the husband later coping with the loss of his wife. The list goes on.

Image Source: http://oninfertileground.com/infertility-in-film/
Most heartbreaking movie opening... ever.

I would like to think that the complexity of the plots and the mature elements presented make it easy to understand how the characters in a children's book or show can be relatable. They undergo complicated situations, they face difficult decisions, they ask questions that adults ask themselves. Elsa, from Frozen is the embodiment of many women's difficulty to come to terms with who they are in order to claim autonomy and independence. Not to mention a very human representation of the challenges faced by those with differing abilities or skills. The song Let it Go has even been considered a metaphor for expressing one's sexuality and "coming out of the closet."

Image Source: http://movies.disney.com/frozen/products
... and now it's stuck in your head

For those that find it difficult to relate to a character because they are a child - I think this is a problem many parents face regularly. I think a lot of frustration between pre-teens/teens and their parents is that the issues they view as important or crucial are viewed as petty to adults. Parents see teenage romance as fleeting and fun while forgetting that their son or daughter likely views it as very serious. Though a high school social drama will likely have no bearing on a person's overall life, it is significant in that moment. 

As I've mentioned before, fiction is important because it helps us relate and empathize with characters that may be challenging for us. We are given a unique perspective into the lives of people different from ourselves. More empathy can only be beneficial.

Finally, we come to image. What kind of image does it create when an adult consumes children's media? 

In all honesty, I don't think this question should matter at all. Does it make you less of an adult when you admit to reading The Hunger Games? Does it make you immature if you watch Adventure Time instead of The Walking Dead? Are you childish for playing Pokemon?

Let me word this differently. Is it immature of you to enjoy the things that make you happy? Does it make you an adult by hiding or denying when you find something entertaining? 

Image Source: http://cartoonpacks.com/adventure-time-wallpapers-and-backgrounds.html

Emmy loves listening to the Wiggles. So every day, we set her up in her play area, and put on a Youtube playlist of the Wiggles while she dances around. (We turn off the screen so she doesn't get distracted by the video.) The other day I noticed something disturbing - nearly all of their videos have 50% downvotes versus upvotes. The comments also reflected this. 

"Gay losers," some said.

"This shit is so stupid. Only kids watch this," said others.

I saw not a single, legitimate complaint about the content and the hate was generally directed at the show being for children. Personally, I'm given the impression that these are individuals who are unsure of their own maturity (and potentially their gender identities as well). They prove to themselves, and anyone who will listen, that they are adults by showing their vehement disdain for anything aimed at children. As though it is stupid and vulgar. 

As most people probably agree, all it does is make them seem even more childish.

I want to close this post with one of my favourite quotes. I have used it many times, but I feel it is a valuable truth. It comes from Neil Gaiman's Ocean at the End of the Lane, which I highly recommend.

 

What do you want to be when you grow up?

I know it is not blog day. I'm sorry. I just watched this amazing lecture by Alan Watts and it touched on a lot of things I've thought about for a long time. Sorry in advance for the rant.

One of the first things we ask children when we meet them is "What do you want to be when you grow up?" 

I hate that question. 

I know it's meant to be an innocuous conversation starter for children, but it's a reflection of our career-obsessed culture. Because "What do you want to be?" really means "what job do you want to have?" As in the job you have is "what you are."  

It implies that they aren't something already. It implies that what they're "going to be" when they grow up is the penultimate decision of their life. It implies that their career is synonymous with their identity. 

Image source: http://www.costumes.net/kids-doctor-costume.html

The reality is that those children will go on to struggle with their identities because they are forced to mitigate their actual aspirations with "career-driven" goals. The reality is that they will pick courses and school programs that they think they "should" take instead of learning what actually interests them. The reality is that it creates a hierarchy of pursuits based on prestige and money. The reality is that most adults still don't know what they want to do with their lives.

And yet those adults will encourage their children to go through the same process all over again.

My job before Emily - Regional Client Services Assistant - is not who I am. My job now - stay-at-home mom, homemaker... whatever you want to call it - is not my identity. That's right, even being a mom. It does not make up all of who I am. Me... my identity... I chose those things. They don't define me, they are choices I've made amongst many others in my life; I define them. 

But when adults meet someone new, what is one of the first things they are asked? 

"What do you do?"

The expected answer being: "I work in an office" or: "I'm an electrician" or: "I'm a student" or God-forbid: "I'm unemployed."

But if you're actually trying to find out more about me, the answer to "What do you do?" is less Regional Client Services Assistant and more:

"Well... I spend as much time as possible with my husband and my daughter, I write fiction, I blog my opinion, I love being outdoors, I bake as often as humanly possible and love giving food to people (not to mention eating it myself), I read and watch TV and lots of other things I can't think of right now. Oh, that's not what you meant? You meant what I do to pay the bills. I didn't realize that was such an interesting topic..."

Seriously... anyone want some butter tarts?

I hate the idea of being "career-driven". That's not to say I think there's anything wrong with working hard for what you want. Career implies a "job". Career implies that you are doing something in order to make money to live. So "career-driven", to me, means working hard to do something, hopefully that you don't hate and maybe even enjoy, provided it pays the bills. I have heard many people say that if there were no monetary incentive, then people wouldn't work. Meanwhile, studies have shown that monetary incentive hurts creativity. 

By posing a child's interests as "career choices", all we are doing is creating an environment of stress and imposing a time limit on a child's self-discovery. Meanwhile, they're just trying to figure out who they are. What they enjoy. What they think is important. All it does is make that discovery harder and more convoluted.

This is my opinion. Live. If something interests you, pursue it. If you find it's not really what you want, that's okay. You've learned something about yourself. You've gained experiences. If what you love to do isn't something that makes a lot of money... do it anyway. You may have to do some part time work on the side, but if you really enjoy what you're doing, it'll be worth it. There's really no limitations. I have a few friends that chased the things they enjoyed and ended up doing things they love. I mean, really, it can be anything. People make a living playing video games and posting videos to the internet. If you love it, do it.

So let our kids find out what they love. Don't tell them they can be whatever they want and subtext it with... but aren't doctors and lawyers and engineers amazing and oh my don't they make a lot of money. Don't praise their artwork and then say what a great "hobby" it would be and too bad a career as an artist isn't likely to work out. If it doesn't work out, they will adapt. Just encourage them to keep doing what they love. They'll decide whether it's worth continuing. As long as they don't start out from the beginning with the notion that it's not even a valid option.

So what's a better question than "What do you want to be when you grow up?" 

I would say, just ask them what they love to do. Now. Today. Finding out what they enjoy now is much more valuable than trying to make them narrow down the interests they're going to have twenty years in the future. It also shows respect for the child. It tells them, I'm interested in knowing who you are now. What you love now is valuable. Your interests are important.

Hell, even adults could benefit from hearing that every now and then...